I have come to the realization that I am not gifted. As my 20s are about to come to the end, I can’t help but admit I am not special. No matter how harsh I was pushing myself to be, the past 10 years show no sighs U have some sort of talent. On the contrary, the fact that I had to try so hard to achieve something others could do the same with fewer resources proves I am just another mediocre guy.
My definition of being gifted is being able to have achievements at one’s early age. The achievements must be some kind of output like publishing multiple papers in famous academic journals or reaching certain positions in an organization. Degrees, certifications or score sheets don’t count because they mean nothing to everyone except the individual. Besides, most people would be able to get those fancy accessories if time was not a problem. I recently saw a guy on Twitter who spent 9 years trying to get into Waseda University. I think you can understand the point I am trying to make.
After moving to Osaka, my life changed a lot. There were way too many things I had to deal with, and as a result I was constantly burned out. It was a situation I had never encountered before and I noticed that I had to make a choice. In any given period of time I can only work on two things simultaneously, and one would be much better. This is my capacity. If I insist on doing more than that, it is highly possible that I may get nothing done. Then, I suddenly realized I am indeed not gifted!
Gifted people won’t be so limited. I know this because I was surrounded by them when I was in graduate school. I know what gifted people look like. Having the chance to be with them purely by luck made me believe I was one of them. It was quite strange that I didn’t realize this fact earlier, considering I always have to spend twice the amount of time or more to be able to reach slightly better results if not worse.
Currently I am focusing on only two things: work and the CPA exam. Despite the fact that I rarely get a day off, to this point, neither of them are satisfactory. My supervisor and colleagues were frustrated by my lower than expected performance. From their viewpoints, it seems that I am even lower than average in some areas. The CPA exam, oh, what a mess. I have planned to get the CPA for years. Although I started to take it seriously just several months ago, I am still not able to make a breakthrough. While many college students get the exam done in school and start working at a big accounting firm as an intern in the first place. My progress is just too slow.
At the end of the day, I think the only thing I can do is keep a low profile and carry on what I am working on. This involves being a more sober person and trying to close the gap between the ideal and the reality. In addition, giving up those unrealistic dreams I have and focusing on more practical agendas with higher priority.