After working in my first full-time job for a year, I have come to the conclusion that this career is still far from my expectation. My position was actually quite nice and exciting, but only on paper. The reality is more boring and I am constantly under-motivated. Here are the problems I will try to address.
Working overtime “without being paid”. Saying “without being paid” means that despite being rarely able to leave the company on time, there was no “Overtime Allowance” on my payment slips. However, wince the base salary is high, I guess that is the reason why the company believes they don’t need to pay me more. Even though the high base salary could compensate for my extra hours’ work, it absolutely failed to compensate for my motivation toward my job. It only makes my payment slip look more miserable compared to people working in consulting firms who work long hours but are well-paid.
Boring but somehow a heavy workflow. My position sounds awesome only on paper. For example, one of my duties is called “subsidiary management”. Sounds cool, right? What I am actually doing is like a kind of contact person. When the subsidiary I am in charge of seeks help from my company (AKA, the parent), they will contact me first. Then, I will collect all the information needed and analyze how we can help them with other members on the team. Although we can make some plans, my supervisor and his supervisors make the final decision.
Basically, my duties consist of endless meetings and Excel work. Excel, one of the three Microsoft Office software everyone has learned since elementary school. Life starts with Excel and ends with it. It seems that the world is not dominated by major regimes, big companies or some “secret societies” but by Excel.
The seniority system. The infamous seniority system is still safe and sound at least in my company. My first year’s performance review ended last week, and which I got was an “OK”. When my supervisor asked me if I had some really bad moments during the last fiscal year, I said I believe I didn’t upset anyone. Then, he asked me if I had any extra contributions to claim, I told hime how I saved our team hours and hours by improving an operation. Unsurprisingly, he suggested that that’s not a big deal so he would keep the “OK” valuation. When he said this to me, his facial expression was not so confident.
I think this is the biggest reason why I am under-motivated. When I did more than was expected, people were not willing to recognize it. One thing I want to make clear is that I know it was not personal. I read my personal three-year plan. The company wants me to focus on learning rather than productivity. According to the “scenario”, my performance review has no chance to be better than “OK” because first they will never assign important projects to me in the first two years and even if I do manage to do something impressive they won’t recognize it.
Did I need to stay in school for so many years to be capable of this job? I think definitely not. With all the knowledge and skills I learned, only a tiny portion is utilized by my company. However, I guess it’s more of a social structure problem than my single case.
Do I dislike my company? Not really. The atmosphere of my workplace is really nice. I haven’t been harassed at all at the time I am writing this journal. That’s something that can’t be measured by salary. Also, they were the only company who gave me a shot in Boston. For this reason alone, they really need to try hard to make me hate them.
Will I chance my job? I don’t know. Unlike my early life when I had nothing to lose, there is much more I need to consider now. As I grow older, it’s harder and harder for me to explore new fields. On the other hand, I still want to reach higher places, higher than my current scenario offers me.
