Everything went wrong. The answer is obvious and self-explanatory. It is an echo from wrong decisions I made in my early days, and some of it can be traced back to my first day in Todai. I was poisoned by my enthusiasm for the country and overwhelming optimism from my early success. Not only was I not able to have a long term vision about my life but the vision I held was no native and unrealistic.
I quit my job, withdrew from Osaka, a sad place. Things look good on paper: I got a new position at a BIG4 firm, my salary raised a little, and I am going back to Tokyo where my family is. However, the truth is that this is not a step up but a drawback. I am experiencing one of the major failures in my life. There is no free ticket, think about what I paid for. I lost my status as a member of Zaibatsu-kei corporation. I let down my colleagues who once trusted me. What’s more important, the possibility of my career being severely damaged, that I may be stuck at a BIG4 firm forever with an extremely narrow career path.
Being transferred to Osaka was never in my expectations. I knew it was a difficult requirement to tell a company with origins in Osaka that I want to work for them, but don’t want to be in Osaka. To be honest, at that point I didn’t have too many decent options. My job hunting situation was a dumpster fire. The strategic objective was totally a joke. Look at what companies I applied for. Governmental organizations like the Bank of Japan, DBJ and JETRO. Regardless of the fact that those governmental organizations basically don’t or can’t hire foreigners, I put too much effort on games I would never have a chance to win.
At the time, I was enthusiastic about contributing to Japan. Maybe it is hard to understand. For people like me who are exiled from our own roots, this kind of enthusiasm or patriotism will mount up when another group or country accepts us. It made me feel safe and stronger. In fact, one of my best friends who has identity problems also shares similar experiences with me. It is undeniable that Japan treats me far nicer than my so-called “home country”. However, there are limitations, ceilings. After all, I am still an outsider, there will never be a position for me in the public sector. I didn’t even need to try.
Speaking of the private sector, my performance was somehow even worse. The problem was that I was not able to have a clear vision about what kind of professional I wanted to be. I failed to show the interviewer why I wanted to work for their company. The companies I chose to apply to were also weird. Shosha like the Mitsubishi Corporation and investment banks like Merrill Lynch and UBS. To be honest, I still have no idea what people are actually doing in Shosha and investment banks till this day. Offers from Shosha and investment banks are extremely hard to get even for Japanese students. One needs to be both excellent academically and well-prepared for the interviews.
My confidence and optimism were widely overwhelmed by my early success as I was accepted toTodai. You know, unlike others, I didn’t have a decent background. My parents don’t have college degrees. No one has heard of my undergraduate school. No one taught me what I should do. Being accepted to Todai was impossible for me. It was as hard as the moon landing, if not more so. I am ashamed to admit that I felt I was capable of doing anything. There are a lot of missed opportunities here. If only I could act more soberly, having a more solid plan and not focus solely on industry leaders, I believe I would have achieved long term success.
The party is about to end. I am not young anymore. This is the last time I can persuade someone to hire me for my potential. Looking on the bright side, I still have a peaceful life in Tokyo with my family. My mother always told me “stay in the capital and wait for your chance”.