Today, I will depart for the United States. This is my first time to enter an English-Speaking country. However, I am not excited about this trip. Rather, at this point it has been a kind of burden for me. The purpose of this trip is not mainly for tourism. I believe this trip will help me put an end to many things, and I regard it as a symbol of the end of a phase of my life.
The official purpose, the one I told everyone, is for job hunting. Although I have already got a comparably good offer. it is not perfect. It is not a company everyone knows like my university. Although I rationally think my current offer will serve my career plan perfectly, I still decided to continue my job hunting out of stubbornness. The situation is not good because I have too many requirements such as the job can only be in Tokyo and only a position in the financial department. Whatever the result maybe, the “final battle” is here. I cannot turn back since I have invested so much money and time on the plan. After this final battle, I will declare my job hunting to be over.
This trip represents a forgiveness between my parents and myself. I love my family but hate them simultaneously. Specifically, my father. He never allowed me to go anywhere. I still remember he promised me multiple times that he would take me to Peking, which never happened. My trips always served a purpose other than tourism, such as taking examinations. However, this time is different. He neither blamed me nor complained about my trip. “I knew the job hunting stuff was just an excuse” he told me when I went to Shanghai last time.
During this trip, I also had room to think about my life. Living in Tokyo is becoming more and more stressful. Sometimes I feel lost recently. Honestly, Japan treats me better than I ever could have imagined, but I still feel it is not enough and keep asking for more. I want to figure out why I am still not happy, what things really matter, and how I should move on. I could have chosen to go to other countries like my high school friends. Living in Japan was my decision, and I have no regrets about it.
